I was in Berlin for three months during the 2006 World Cup.

I went to the grocery store near where I was staying and ran into an artist that I work for in NY. He was looking for someone who worked at the store so he could ask them a question. I told him that they wouldn’t speak English. I asked him what he was looking for and he said “Oh, I can’t tell you. Of course I run into you when I’m looking for this.”

I said, “Do you want my help or not, I’m the only one of us who speaks German.”

He said “Fine. I’m looking for a bottle opener.”

He’s embarrassed of this fact because, being British, he’s kind of a lush and I don’t drink at all. I walked up to a woman stacking milk and say “Haben Sie einen Flashenoffner?” She led us right to what we wanted. It’s kind of a miracle that I was able to communicate this, given that my German is so limited.

After leaving the store, I walked down the sidewalk carrying my groceries. I saw a group of soccer fans kicking a ball ahead of me. One of them lost control of the ball and it collided with my bag, causing my yogurt to explode all over me. He gave an indifferent apology and I seized his arm (he was maybe in his early 20’s and over 6 feet tall). Then I marched him back to the grocery store and explained to him that he was going to buy me a new yogurt. His group of friends followed us and waited for him while we were in the store. He said “Can’t I just give you the money?”

I said “No, that’s not how you apologize.”

While we were standing in line waiting to pay, I was beginning to feel foolish about bullying this kid. He looked down and me and asked “Do you want two yogurts?”

I said “Fine, just give me the euro.”