I went into Toys R Us in Greenpoint; a dismal place for the most part with no custom shelving and dim lighting, a transient store that used to sell DVDs. I came across a giant remote control tarantula on the shelf, fully boxed. Later I walked over to the rack of Beanie Babies. While I was picking out the saddest-faced, most in need of adoption stuffed animals, I glanced down and next to my foot was the tarantula. I can’t believe I didn’t audibly scream, I had this out of body experience where I felt myself falling through a vortex towards hell.
Remote Control Tarantula how did you get out of the box on the shelf and get all the way over here? Why are you bigger than my foot? So help me god if you start moving I am going to have a heart attack.
Usually I like things covered in fur, except for men.