I went to a bar in New Jersey after an art opening. When we walked in the door everybody fell silent, turned and stared. I gave me the feeling I might be gay-bashed.

We sat down at a large table and ordered food. I went to the bathroom which was a little crowded, so I backed up against the wall and set off the automatic hand dryer with my butt, startling myself.  This prompted a total stranger to confide in me that she was on a blind date and it was not going well.  She said he lied about his height and was talking about being a metrosexual and all she wanted was a Real Man. She said that she didn’t know what to do.  I asked her if she came to the bathroom hoping there was a window. I gave her a little pep talk and told her that a date is not a hostage situation and that she could leave whenever she wanted.

She said she gave him a chance, ordered a drink and had a conversation with him but now she just wished she was at home watching television. I told her not to order food.

When I left the restaurant she was smoking a cigarette outside. She told me that she worked up the courage to tell him “this isn’t really working for me” and was on her way home. I said, “Congratulations.”

Employee#1: “Hey.”
Employee#2: “What?”

Employee#1: “Come over here.”
Employee#2: “No.”

Employee#1: “Yes, I have a job for you.”
Employee#2: (no response).

Employee#1: “Hurry Up.”
Employeed#2: (Grunt).

Employee#1: “Hold this in place for 20 minutes while it dries.”
Employeed#2: “20 minutes!”

Employee#1: “Yes, 20 minutes.”
Employee#2: “I’m not holding this for 20 minutes. Get a brick.”